Possible Move -- Warning: Ramble

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Rcpilot, May 29, 2009.

  1. Rcpilot

    Rcpilot

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    I got laid off April 28th and I can't buy a job interview here in the Denver area. Times are really rough around here.

    I'm originally from the Kansas City area and I've been sending my resume to HVAC companies back there. Got a call from a guy this morning and I may have an opportunity.

    I've actually been wanting to move back to the midwest for quite a long time. I hate the humidity, but I guess I lived there for 24yrs and it never killed me. I can do it again. The hard part has been trying to convince my wife it will be a good move for our family. She's a Colorado girl and her whole family is right here 1/2 mile away from our apartment. She doesn't want to leave (apron strings still firmly knotted and attached -- it sucks) her mother. I've been begging her for about 4yrs to give it a try and she's always just said flat out "NO"

    After the phone call I got this morning from a guy in Olathe, Ks. I talked to my wife today and told her I was going to whip out my "man card" and she was going to have to just buck up and move with me. I've never done that before. I am a talker and I always want to communicate and make things work for both of us when it comes to family decisions. This time I just feel REALLY strongly that our family can have a better life in the midwest, so I'm basically forcing her to move away. Makes me feel guilty, but at the same time I see it as a challenge to prove to her that we can do better back there.

    I've always made good money in my trade (HVAC) but it's not enough to buy a decent home in Colorado. Houses are frickin' RIDICULOUSLY overpriced out here. About the only thing I can afford is a condo (apartment) in a bad area of town where I don't want to live and I don;t want my kids going to school over there. I have been telling my wife for years that we'll never own a home here and that makes me really sad. Makes me feel like a failure, both as a father, the husband and the breadwinner. I know thats not really a justified feeling. I just want my kids to have a back yard with our own grass where they can play without me and my wife fearing they might get kidnapped or hurt. Someplace safe. Someplace our own. A home. Roots.

    In Kansas or Missouri I can buy a 3 bedroom house on a couple acres with a 2-car garage and a basement for 1/2 the cost of a stupid townhouse in Colorado. It's literally 50% cheaper to buy a nice house in the midwest. I can make the same exact pay in Kansas as I can here in Colorado. Why wouldn't I do that? Our standard of living would go up a lot. We could afford a house, have some money in savings, take those camping trips we never seam to have enough cash for.......

    I've been real bummed about getting laid off last month. Wanting a fresh start at life because I feel like all I've ever done in Colorado is struggle, scratch and scrape to just barely get by. It's just so damn expensive to live out here in Colorado. It's crazy. I work hard and all I ever get is higher rent payments and laid off once a year or every other year. I feel like I'll never get ahead here and it kills me to think of raising my kids in an apartment. Never any security and always trying to put money away for a rainy day when I'd rather be putting money away for a down payment on a house. Every time I get a bunch of cash in my savings account I either get laid off or something goes wrong (car breaks, kid needs stitches, kids need braces.....) and there's no cushion left.It's always a battle of scratching and clawing just to stay afloat in between disasters.

    Thanks for listening.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2009
    Rcpilot, May 29, 2009
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  2. Rcpilot

    daugherty part time reefer

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    hope everything works out for you.
     
    daugherty, May 29, 2009
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  3. Rcpilot

    yote Ceritfied Mantis Hunter Moderator

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    I'd have to agree with you Rc.
    Why pay rent,when you can take that same money for the payment on you OWN place?At least thats how I've always looked at it.
    You've got to do whatever it takes to survive and get ahead.Theres no such thing as a free hand out.
     
    yote, May 29, 2009
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  4. Rcpilot

    dcantucson

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    Things usually have a way of working out for the best. Happiness is not found somewhere else, but inside one's self. Who knows, she may be much happier in the Midwest with a higher standard of living even though she will miss her family. Thank god for cell phones and free long distance.
     
    dcantucson, May 29, 2009
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  5. Rcpilot

    Bifferwine I am a girl

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    Just thinking here, have you or your wife ever owned a house before? If not, there are incentives now that make buying a home possible for people like me, that normally would not be able to afford one. I am buying a house now, and all because I qualified for an FHA loan, which requires only 3.5% down. I got a really great interest rate, and am getting the $8000 tax credit (and you get that check regardless of what your tax liability is). Now is a great time to buy a house, and the government has made it extremely easy for first time home buyers like myself.

    My company's headquarters is in Olathe. I say go for it. Your wife is reluctant, and that would drive me CRAZY to feel like I'm being held back from doing what I need to do to support myself and my family. She seems so stuck in staying where you are, but that's preventing you from doing what you need to do! What good is it doing you and your family for you to be unemployed? If you get a good job somewhere else that allows you to up your quality of living, that will benefit her a lot more than staying put will. I'm sure she doesn't see this now, but I hope she will be more open to the possibility if you are offered the job.

    I hate to hear that you were forced to pull "the man card". Man, I know that wouldn't go over well in my house!! But since I make all the money in my relationship, I pull the "Sarah card" every day and NDB doesn't say shit about it! He's a really great guy like that, he just goes along with whatever I say. He's learned it's not worth it to disagree ;)

    I think if you are offered the job, you should take it. And your wife should accept it. Try to reinforce the positive things that this will do for her and your family. And no one's saying she can't visit the inlaws and they can't visit you. Plus, if you get a nice job and can afford a nice house, you will have a nice guest bedroom already set up waiting for their frequent visits :)

    Go for it, and good luck. A good job is not a thing to turn down nowadays!
     
    Bifferwine, May 30, 2009
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  6. Rcpilot

    mng777777 Shark Wrangler Wannabe

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    EASY PLUG:
    Biff, did I mention that I am a realtor? It wouldnt be right knowing that you are out there with all that knowledge in my home city without someone to help you and your friends with all of your real estate needs.

    RC:
    I am happy for you on your job offer. Biff is right that now is probably the best time to buy a house. If you don't soon, you may not be able to for a LONG time. I promise you that rates will be rising before long and I predict that it will be to a point of ridiculous. I am sorry to hear that your wife may not share your interest in moving, but I think there are times when you have to put your foot down. I would hope that she would value the benefits to your childrens well-being the same as you do and be able to see past the temporary discomfort of getting adjusted to life in a new place. I wish you the best with this decision. Let me know if you need the help of a realtor. I have connections across the country and can get you in touch with someone who specializes in the area you plan to relocate. Regardless of your decision, use this momentum to get back on your feet. My best wishes to you and your family!
     
    mng777777, May 30, 2009
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    ltljoker The Great Tang Herder

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    Go for it rc. Its not much better in grand junction either. If i hadent gotten lucky and kept my job I would have to move from this high cost of living city also. But i do have to travel 980 miles every 2 weeks to go to work. but i still have a job thank the lord:Cheers:
     
    ltljoker, May 30, 2009
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  8. Rcpilot

    Bifferwine I am a girl

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    Really? That's awesome! I actually have a realtor (she's been "in the family" since my mom bought a house here a few years ago). But I will be sure to let you know if I could use any help or have questions! It's always helpful to get more than one opinion. Do you work for an agency?
     
    Bifferwine, May 30, 2009
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  9. Rcpilot

    ndepratt Equipment Junkie

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    wow... i'm in kc trying to move to denver... gf isn't having any luck finding jobs either :(
     
    ndepratt, May 30, 2009
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  10. Rcpilot

    Rcpilot

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    Thanks to all for the encouragement.

    My wife is very emotional and is still very attached to her mom. (I can't stand the woman) I have struggled with my wife from the very beginning (10yrs) to get it through her thick head that WE are the most important thing. HER and ME. NOT her mother, brother, sister or other brother. ME and the KIDS should be her #1 priority, but she is so attached to her mother.

    I feel like we should do what's best for the FAMILY instead of letting our emotional attachments to extended family rule our lives.

    My own mother was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease) just 5 months ago at the young age of 60yrs. She's already had it for over a year, but this is a hard disease to diagnose and it's very common for people to live with it undetected for a year or more. My parents are 2hrs away by car. She has the rapidly advancing type and will be gone in less than 2yrs. She might not make it 18 months.

    But I can't put my life and my family's life on hold while I watch my beloved mother wither away and die of a terminal disease. She's going to die weather I live in Colorado or any other place on the planet. ALS is a death sentence and there is no treatment to stop it or prolong her life. I feel like if I can find a good solid job and could afford a nice home for my children.......... I should go for it and continue with MY life. I can't stop Mom from dying. I can't save her. There's no point in staying in Colorado to watch her die while my children live in a car or in a relatives basement because I'm jobless.

    Biff:
    Yes, we did buy a house in 2001 right after 9-11. I got laid off in 2004 and lost the house to foreclosure. Have been renting since then. I'm aware of the 8000 dollar tax credit. We would be considered "first time home buyers" this year because it's been more than 3yrs since we "owned" a home. So we would qualify for the low down payment and the tax credit. I know this is the best time to buy. Interest rates will be 12% or higher in less than a year....... so buy now and lock it in at 6% or less.

    You expressed my feelings about my wife to a Tee. I can't understand how it's better for us to stay here and be jobless so that she can be close to her mother........ when we have a great opportunity someplace else. An opportunity for our own home and our own backyard with grass and a fence.

    I sat with my wife last night and talked with her about what we agreed too when we got married. I'm the man. I make the money. She stays home and raises the kids so that we have GOOD kids who are respectful and honest. It's what we BOTH wanted when we got involved with each other. I reminded her that she's always been taken care of since I married her. She's never missed a meal or had to sleep outside. I've not always been perfect, but I've always managed to provide the roof, heat and food for her and our children. I've bought cars for her (GOOD CARS) and always put clothes on her back. All I ask is a clean house and some home cooked meals. And she was happy to agree to that when we met. She always dreamed of being the "June Cleaver" stay at home mom. She wanted to cook and clean and raise her children....... the proverbial fairy tale.

    I have NEVER forced her to do anything she didn't want to do or couldn't talk it out so we were both able to live with whatever the problem was at the time. The whole man card thing is just me being fed up with the struggle of living in Colorado and KNOWING that we can all have a better life in the midwest. But we stay here and struggle for her benefit so she can be close to mommy. I just finally got tired of it and told her,

    "I'm going to Kansas City if I can get a decent job. I'm taking the kids with me and nobody is going to change that. You've got a spot in the passenger seat, but I ain't shoving you in the car kicking and screaming. It's up to you to open the door and sit down for the ride."

    I am pretty confident she will like it. I just need to get her to go with me.

    I've been on the internet doing research on property taxes, schools, population density, location to highways and rapid transportation, crime rates..... etc. All the things I need to know so I can decide WHERE would be the best place to settle. A lot of people live in Kansas and work in Missouri.... or visa versa. There are some tax advantages to working in Kansas and living in Missouri. It's not huge, but it is a slight advantage.

    ndepratt,
    I know exactly where Baldwin, KS is. My uncle lives 4 miles west of the intersection at HWY56 and HWY59. I grew up fishing in his ponds and helping him bail hay in the fields and stacking it in the barn.

    If you can find a job in Denver, I guess go for it. I can't wait to get out of here. It's too expensive to live out here.
     
    Rcpilot, May 30, 2009
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  11. Rcpilot

    ndepratt Equipment Junkie

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    had no idea how expensive it is... we're looking in colorado springs, so i'm praying that's cheaper.

    sorry to hear about your problems... i can't wait for this recession bs to end!
     
    ndepratt, May 30, 2009
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  12. Rcpilot

    tankedchemist

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    RC... I'm sorry for your troubles. I totally know how you feel-- last Sept, after spending six months lookin for a job with ZERO bite, I had to play the "woman card" lol. I had gotten accepted to a grad school out here in Oregon where they pay me and provide insurance. SO despite months of fighting with the hub about it, we moved anyway.... best decision ever. My kid's in a great school, I'm buying a house in a couple months, etc. So I agree with your reasons, if you do end up havin to move, your family will only benefit. It's harsh for your wife, but sometimes, what's neccessary and worthwhile in life isn't easy.

    It might help to point out to your wife how easy/ relatively inexpensive/ fast flights are between Denver & the new city... particularly if you had real numbers. Like, "ya know, it's only a 2 hour flight..." maybe that way she could feel better about moving away from her family.

    As for the humidity... it killed me in Florida, so I bought a dehumidifier. Best thing ever. Also reduces mold in the house. They're not real cheap but certainly make livin in muggy climates easier.

    Best of luck with this RC.
     
    tankedchemist, May 30, 2009
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    mng777777 Shark Wrangler Wannabe

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    I am the associate broker for Win3 Realty currently, but I just received the paperwork from the corporation comission yesterday stating that I am official. I am opening my own brokerage called H4 Realty. I am seperating from Win3 because we have an immediate need for property management but Win3 cannot do it. I will still be working very closely with Win3.
     
    mng777777, May 30, 2009
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  14. Rcpilot

    Smitty

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    Hey Rc, keep your head up...without a little struggle, there is no success...We all have you in our prayers. Just keep on keepin' on bro, and everything will be alright for you and your family.
     
    Smitty, May 30, 2009
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    lightcs4 Loving to learn

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    Hope it works out for you. It's a tough time, but great things come through the struggles.
     
    lightcs4, Jun 2, 2009
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    Alexander

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    sounds like it wont be easy at all RC. but I will say I hope all works out for you and YOUR family in the best possible situation and not whats better for anyone else. Really sorry to hear about your mother.
     
    Alexander, Jun 2, 2009
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    sen5241b

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    I had the same choice some years ago. I could have had a house 2 or 3 time bigger way out in the outer suburbs. I chose to live in a smaller house but in a place where I wanted to live. You might find a great house in Kansas but will the locale make you happy?
     
    sen5241b, Jun 2, 2009
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    mng777777 Shark Wrangler Wannabe

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    That's a tough call, there's a lot to be said for not living in the city when there are children involved. The more I see corruption around me, the more I want to run towards the hills when I think of raising kids. RC, I can tell that your kids are driving your decision, as long as you stay focused on what's best for them, I know you'll make the right decision.
     
    mng777777, Jun 2, 2009
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